The Inescapable Truths in Climbing

The Inescapable Truths In Climbing

I remember sweat dripping into my eye again. And I remember that it stung. A lot. 

"I can't do this right now" I said to myself, almost in a whisper. Probably because I didn't want anyone below to hear me. And though I had phrased it in a way that was considerate of my mental well being, I didn't recognize it at the time.

I had been slipping off the same move over and over again. Sure, I had a lot of things I could blame it on; the heat, the humidity, the sun baking the upper section of the route, I hadn’t eaten much that morning, the bad trip to Chattanooga….. But none of that immediately mattered to me.

What mattered was that I was falling off of something that I had deemed too easy to fall off of. But, here I was, falling over and over again. No amount of rationalizing or bargaining or denying could help me escape that fact.

I was embarrassed. Humiliated in front of my friends. This weekend I had brought a couple of my friends down for their first trip climbing outside. I lowered back to the ground and asked Alex if he wanted to try to finish the route up for me. He cruised up the top section on lead and got the draws back off the wall. We headed back to Miguel’s for some food and relaxing.

One of the interesting aspects of climbing that attracts me are these moments of inescapable truth. A lot of climbers appreciate the individualistic aspect of the sport; it’s really just you and the rock. We have partners who belay us, friends who encourage us, instructors who teach us, mentors who guide us, but it all comes down to you and the wall. You can, or you can not. Climbing has the ability to help you see who you are. Climbing can highlight your strength, and your weakness. But climbing forces you to be honest with yourself.

This honesty can not be subverted. Either you are strong enough to do the move, or not. You are too scared to do the move, or you are not. Either you have the required technique, or you don’t. All of these are temporary obstacles but climbing forces you to acknowledge them, and you must decide whether or not you are willing to put in the work required to overcome them. And if you’re not, that’s okay.

A lot of climbers have started talking about issues like personal pressure, and the burnout it can lead to. Looking back, this day was my last time climbing for a long while. I had placed a lot of pressure on myself to perform at a certain standard, and when I fell short of that, I reacted very poorly. Fellow Detroit climber Lor Sabourin wrote a great article about the potential for climbing to become so much about self recovery that it can become a form of self harm. It took me a long time to recognize that this is what happened to me too. I had used climbing to overcome stress, anxiety and trauma, and now I was using climbing to ignore these things rather than heal.

Climbing can only show us who we are. Climbing does not define us, and we should not use climbing to define ourselves. Be considerate of yourself and your well being.

Let’s go climbing.