Just Be Willing To Show Up; Redefining Success

I was not a good climber when I started.

In the spring of 2013 my new girlfriend asked if I’d ever been rock climbing. I’d done a few climbing walls at carnivals, but “no, not really” I told her. She said that her work friends had took her to the climbing gym a couple times, and that the next time they offered a Groupon (remember those?!) I should try it. So, I did.

I remember it was warm that day. The gym was an old rail warehouse that a guy converted into a climbing gym, taking advantage of the very high ceiling. I went up to the front desk, full stoke, saying “who wants to teach me how to climb some mountains?”. An instructor named Brad said “Oh, I’ve got this guy.” and taught me my first lesson; toprope belaying. He gave me a lot of early pointers, like keeping my arms straight and using my legs as much as possible. I remember that I did manage to get to the top of a 5.7 route after hanging around for a while. But it was very hard, and I was very sacred.

Because I’m afraid of heights.

Back then, I had no idea how to manage that fear, so it overcame me whenever I got too high off the ground. In that old gym there was an auto-belay device parked above a section of wall that started off slabby, but transitioned into a vertical angle. I remember for weeks I’d drive to the gym, thinking to myself “I’m doing it today, I’m climbing past that part”. Of course by the time I’d arrived at the gym and clipped in, that confidence was gone. I’d climb to the scary part, ‘nope’ out, and lower back down.

The corner (and girlfriend) in question.

But I kept coming back. I don’t know why either. Growing up I wasn’t a very athletic kid. I never played any sports, or showed much of an affinity for exercise or emotional growth. But something about the climbing gym kept calling me back. In a way, I think it was partially my refusal to accept failure in something as benign as climbing a rock wall, but there was something else entirely that felt magnetic. I just wanted it. So I kept showing up. I kept climbing the same 15 feet, getting scared, and lowering back down. I kept driving back home, defeated and embarrassed.

Until, of course, one day. I did it. I grabbed those holds, I pulled myself onto the other wall, I did it. I climbed to the top. I didn’t know it then, but this was going to become an essential part of my climbing development. Many, many things scared me at first: slopers, small roofs, bigger roofs, overhanging terrain, slabby terrain, auto belays, lead climbing; you name it, and it sketched me out. But weeks and months of exposure therapy, consistently facing things that made me uncomfortable and using my brain to find clever ways around or through them.

I had unlocked something important. Not just a way to ‘climb better’ but a way to hold myself accountable to that goal. I had redefined success for myself. Success wasn’t about climbing everything I tried, or pulling on small crimps. Success was about driving to the gym, clipping in, and giving it my best shot.

This is the mentality of someone who succeeds. It’s not the performance that defines success, it’s the willingness to go back and try again. To fail over and over again, to embrace the failure, and to transform a lot of failure into a little bit of success. It takes a lot of failure to create a little bit of success. But failure is easy to find.

Let’s go climbing.